In healthy doses, self-critique can be helpful; through introspection, we find new ways to improve, better connect with others, and become more self-aware and humane. Here’s how. September 2015 And that’s OK. And you can keep taking tender care of yourself. ... my first time in a strange place and I was all over trying to keep my baby from tripping and falling over things. Reagan believes self-compassion is the best way to cope with a roaring inner critic. Trying to do everything “right” or perfectly is emotionally and physically exhausting—and unrealistic (i.e., impossible). Surround yourself with people who are positive and share your values. This will continue long after your formal treatment program concludes. Reflection on mistakes can be useful as long as it’s constructive. Why are so many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis? Imagine your thoughts as images on a screen or clouds in the sky. Does it change your behaviour? I'm just not sure what else can help. Practice until being naturally good to yourself becomes more comfortable. Facing up to the reality that you’ve used unhealthy coping mechanisms isn’t easy, but it is necessary in order to get to the point where you recognize that you need new and healthier habits to replace them. April 2018 What is necessary is a realization that it’s absolutely vital to rebuild your spirit in order to cope with remorse. When you’re exhausted, constantly striving and forcing yourself to work harder (and harder), you not only make more mistakes; your inner critic gets louder, said Reagan, also the host of Therapy Chat podcast. Try to see things … And the shame we gather in not reaching the ludicrously unattainable goals we set for ourselves dulls the bright colors of our life. Try instead to substitute ‘should’ with words such as will, am, are and will be. Plant your feet firmly into the ground to come back to the moment. It's not about me. Live in the present. If you used drugs and alcohol as a crutch to deal with the pain, these also contributed to your current poor physical and mental state. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. It can be helpful to talk things through with someone else. I am trying to get these negative thoughts out of my mind, but just can't. July 2018 “I like to think of what a small child would need to hear for comfort when feeling those uncomfortable emotions, and say that.”, Reagan shared this example concerning work: “I know it’s scary; you’re afraid you will lose your job. I do the best that I can that day, and when I feel like it didn’t bring me as close to my goal as I wanted it to, I simply say “I’ll do better tomorrow.”.