Synonyms for being present include presence, attendance, residence, existence, occupancy, companionship, appearance, attending, being and habitation. How did you feel? You calm … Even with the best of intentions, your ego may sneak back in; it looks for opportunities to subtly make things about you instead of the other. Copyright © 1995-2020 Psych Central. Take a breath - breath, along with change, is the only constant, and being present starts with the breath. And check out Coaching Tuesday every week at Blanchard LeaderChat for ideas, research, and inspirations from the world of executive coaching. When you are fully present with team members, you listen more deeply and also from a curiosity perspective. I felt my colleague was more interested in the people interacting around us and preferred to be with them. When holding space you must work diligently to maintain eye contact, be free of distractions, be fully attentive, and cultivate an openness or “space consciousness” in which there is no “me,” but rather the ever-present witness of the sounding board of consciousness. What It Really Means to Be in the Present Moment, Learning To Trust Yourself Again After Betrayal, Many Seniors with Depression Faring Well During Pandemic, Turning Out the Lights on Mania: Dark Therapy, Re-booting our Capacity to Cope with the Corona Virus: Strategies, Books and Movies that Inspire Screenwriters. Accept this moment as it is. Since 2000, Blanchard’s 130 coaches have worked with over 14,500 individuals in more than 250 companies throughout the world. We may be operating from core beliefs that we’re not good enough, smart enough, or attractive enough. Psych Central does not provide medical or psychological Rather than being plagued by self-critical thoughts, we might labor under a pall of shame — a sense of feeling defective or unworthy. As soon as an unpleasant emotion arises, they may try to yank their attention back to their breath in an attempt to be in the moment. If you aren’t able to put your ego in the back for a time, you’ll be ill-suited to be present for the needs of others. This makes a great deal of sense to me. We are then freed to be in a new moment, now freed of the subtle pull of unattended and troubling emotions. His other books include The Authentic Heart and Love & Betrayal. To this end, make the commitment to cultivate what British author Stuart Wilde called silent power by resisting the urge to speak unless you are asked to. . With his entire demon army descending upon them, Mara demands the Gautama produce a witness to his awakening. Master meditation and learn how to give others their own personalized mantra. Terry Watkins is a coaching solutions partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies Coaching Services team. By being present in the moment (and savoring the time leading up to it), you obtain a higher level of satisfaction, allow yourself to have a better experience, and feel more fulfilled as the … We live with more inner peace as we make room for the full range of our human experience. I have heard many reports of meditation sittings where someone has written an article, composed a piece of music, planned an art project, or redecorated her house, and it was actually very productive and efficient to be doing this in meditation. Like two cupped hands filled with water, you are there to hold the other with your awareness. Witnessing allows you to play a special part while holding space—that of the observer. Spiritually-inclined people often overlook the importance of being with feelings that are arising in the moment. Oftentimes, I find myself distracted by thought about the future. Have you had similar experiences? People won’t let down their defenses until they know it is safe to do so. Can we allow ourselves to be in the moment in a way where we allow our deeper feelings to emerge? Holding space requires radical humility and the willingness to be a temporary caretaker of the feelings and concerns of another. To embrace another in acceptance is an act of compassion in and of itself. Holding space is a conscious act of being present, open, allowing, and protective of what another needs in each moment. It also increases trust. Self-critical thoughts are also common ways that we stray from the present moment. Holding space is an impartial process. Learn more about the time-tested and scientifically backed Chopra methods. This safety implies an unspoken “sheepdog” mentality that serves as a guardian and authentically maintains confidentiality, transparency, and impeccability in all you say and do. For some people, the edict to be in the present moment may be a … Being there is enough. But… Read More, If you’re like millions of other people, you’ve been working remotely part or full-time since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic. Conversations with a spouse or partner come to mind. Learn More. Grow your practice. The practice of “mental noting,” perhaps saying quietly to ourselves, “thinking, thinking,” may guide our attention away from unhelpful thoughts and back to the breath, our body, and the present moment. Thanks Terry for the great suggestions. Give the person your full, undivided attention. Take well-being with you wherever you go with the Chopra app. However, listening attentively without the need to respond, interrupt, or comment is a skill that takes considerable practice to master. Get certified. This is an unfolding process, and the Gentle Breath meditation has really supported me with this. We often haphazardly stray from one thought to another; the chain of association may keep us spinning our wheels without gaining traction. Suspending your sense of self-importance can be challenging and should be considered a prerequisite for the practice. But you can also embrace someone non-physically with your intention, attention, and energy. Just as a hurting child will clamor for attention until heard, our feelings need attention. Katy Perry may have kissed a girl and liked it be leaving a just leave the cart was the better. I realized my spouse was not fully present with me at the moment. It can remind us to be more mindful of wherever we happen to be. For example, recently I was talking to a colleague while several people were moving and interacting around us. Compassion is an essential quality for the practice of holding space. What do you think? Thank you for your support of Psych Central! Space refers to the immediate environment you are sharing with another. For others to be open, genuine, and oftentimes vulnerable, they must feel secure and have a sense of trust. In holding space you’re just there as the witness, almost like a fly on the wall. Three times I greeted people that I know, ask how they were doing or how someone in their family was, I got mean, nasty responses. One of the most precious gifts you can give another is the gift of your full and complete attention. Ask Madeleine, Boss Is Acting Weird and Not Sure What to Do? Like the earth the Buddha touches, you are the witnesses to those who you hold space for. Unless you’ve been through what they’re going through, you’ll never truly understand their feelings. It’s a powerful gift of presence that you can give to others through the quality of your attention. I am sure everyone has experienced talking to someone who was not present. Do you have truth tellers in your circl…. 6 Strategies for Leveraging Diversity in Your Organization, Vote for Trust – 4 Signs of a Politician’s Trustworthiness, Use This Survey to Conduct a Trust Tune-Up with Your Team, Mark your calendars for November 18! Deepen your well-being practices and develop techniques to teach others with a prestigious Chopra certification. It can be really frustrating and hurtful when we don’t receive the presence we deserve. If we think that being in the moment means regarding feelings as distractions, then we’re no longer in the moment. Put together, these words embody the principle of surrounding the environment with your awareness in way that provides comfort and compassion for all. Let’s explore these attributes and see how they can deepen your ability to hold space for others. Being in the moment frees us to experience life more fully, which is a good thing. Ready to increase your ability to be present with others? Sometimes we need to allow some spaciousness around our feelings so that they have a chance to settle. I don’t want you to hurt. Discursive thinking — going around in circles with our thoughts — does not get us far. All rights reserved. These days we often hear touted the importance of being in the present moment. I’m sure it will help you in your interactions with others just as it helps me in mine. In the beginning, spend a few seconds on your breathing to center yourself in order to be present. We may notice self-talk such as, “What’s wrong with me?” or “That comment was dumb,” or “When will I ever find a good relationship?”. Holding space is all about allowing—allowing this person or group to feel what they feel. I see people doing this all the time, I left a car in the middle of a parking lot, and I like it. When you hold space you must make the conscious decision to leave your ego at the door. Being present is a prime Spiritual ability and state. In your openness to the pain of others you are essentially saying, “How can I help you? The term has been growing in popularity among caregivers, healers, yogis, and spiritual seekers. When emotions, thoughts, or desires are arising within, we can notice them, be gentle with them, and allow them to be just as they are. Ask Madeleine, Boss Is Having Hot Flashes? In the moment when you’re holding another’s fears, suffering, or grief, your opinions are irrelevant. What can I do to help support your highest good?” Even if not spoken aloud, these intentions to relieve the suffering of others are the essence of compassion. But this doesn’t involve any action on the observer’s part. Help others thrive and find purpose with a mind-body-spirit approach. Breathe. . If the timing is not good, schedule another time to speak with the person. This will allow you to focus on what is most important at the moment—the person in front of you. People won’t let down their defenses until they know it is safe to do so. Simply draw a deep breath and let it out through your nose. Naturally, you can participate if requested to do so, but essentially your role is that of the watcher. Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. http://bit.ly/1ChP4ms, Pingback: Blanchard’s Top 5 Most Shared Posts | Blanchard LeaderChat. But then they never get to the root of their feelings, which will keep recurring. Last Sunday after putting my grocery in my car’s trunk, I left the cart right behind my car and drove forward didn’t look back or care. For more information, articles, and free videos, visit his website at: www.johnamodeo.com.